


and then the sun came up

by philthestone



Series: nursery 'verse [10]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: New Republic Era - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, and obviously this isn't the be-all-end-all of Leia and trash dad's closure, but it's a part of it, family mush honestly, it takes a helluva long time y'all, technically au for the eu, there's a lot of unwritten background, trash ghost grandpa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 13:23:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4264812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philthestone/pseuds/philthestone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She finds suddenly that she does not have the energy to glare, so she perches herself on the edge of the arm of the captain's chair and pulls the old shirt she's wearing more tightly around her front.</p>
<p>"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this isn't a dream."</p>
<p>Anakin shrugs, swinging his legs in a frustratingly youthful fashion against the dashboard he's seated against, black boots giving off less of a blue glow than she'd expected. "I'm not sure, actually. You're the one who called me."</p>
<p>Leia raises her chin and digs her fingers into the fabric of her shirt. </p>
<p>"I did <em>not</em> call for you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	and then the sun came up

**Author's Note:**

> It should be said that this is certainly NOT the complete version of Leia's acceptance/forgiveness of Anakin Skywalker. Indeed, this is actually just the tail end. Majority of it happens over a very long period of time, and is linked directly to her knowledge of her grandmother, her relationship with her children adn brother, and some serious inner reflection. 
> 
> Also, they move to Yavin. Obviously, this is all part of nursery verse, and if I manage to kick my butt into gear I'll write the rest of the conversation properly at some point. (Also, I added a whole lotta stuff from the transcription from my writing tag on tumblr to here, so if you've already read it, take another peak!)
> 
> Reviews are unicorns probably? Yeah, unicorns are just as awesome as reviews.

Leia wakes up to Han’s leg flung across her thigh and that odd, leisurely feeling that she’s come to associate over the years with sleeping in hotels. She exhales and blinks her eyes open, breathing in the smell of the bed and feeling the soft sheets under her fingers.

A beat. Two.

Her ears slowly become attuned to the unfamiliar background sounds that must have woken her; the muffled clamor of miscellaneous flora and fauna, chirps and twitters and the winds rustling in the trees just beyond the walls of their bedroom. The air is humid and warm but fresh, breathable, nothing like the thick, roiling fog that can seep through Coruscant on the bad days in summer, in the silent hours of the night, heavy and polluted. She rolls over onto her back and closes her eyes again just as a heavy arm drapes itself over her midriff.

“’S too early,” Han says into her neck, voice muffled. Leia turns into his sleepy embrace, not opening her eyes. 

“Sorry I woke you." 

Han responds by tightening his arm around her slightly and burying his face further into her neck. His hair tickles her ear and his limbs are still heavy with sleep and Leia feels his heartbeat against her shoulder, soft and steady. 

He’d held her like this the night before last, too, when she'd crawled back into their bed – the way he let her slip into his embrace and said nothing other than, “You work everythin’ out?” half-smothered by the blankets, and she’d said, “You heard that?” quiet and hoarse. 

“I heard voices,” he'd mumbled against her shoulder, and, “You okay?”

She'd not been lying, she thinks, when she had whispered, “ _Yes,_ ” and kissed him on the forehead before letting her eyes flutter closed. 

She hums in the back of her throat and shifts against the pillows, thinking back to the twittering sounds outside their windows and their flight here, about the boxes in the other rooms and the buttery light she can see flooding through the transparisteel window on the side of their room. And she marvels at the light, floaty feeling in her chest, how easily she can open up her lungs and _breathe._

(She was standing in the cockpit, not even caring that the tears were spilling freely down her cheeks, trying and failing to glare at the solid figure perched on the dashboard in front of her. The soft blue glow surrounding him was barely visible, only flickering when he turned at a specific angle in the muddled light of the dark cockpit. It had been _so long_ , she'd known, and he’d spent every single year of withstanding every scream, yell and accusation she’d flung his way, every ounce of hatred and anger and desperate blame that she’d rightfully thrown at him – he’d spent it silent and accepting, taking it without flinching.)

(The first time, the very first time she'd seen him, she had not even the chance to be angry, to react. His figure over the head of Luke's cot in the overrun Imperial base on Endor straightened up the moment she pushed through the door, fingers pulling away from their gentle movement through the soft hair laying flat against a sleeping Luke's forehead and offering her nothing but a tiny, sad smile before vanishing. 

This time, he ( _had never)_ did not say _I’m sorry_ or _forgive me_ or _it wasn’t my fault_ or any of those things, did not, _did not_ beg her for _anything at all_ and she _knew_ he knew he deserved every last bit of it, of the scorn and anger and bitterness – oh, he _knew,_ it was in his eyes, so blue and older than his deceptively youthful form, so similar yet so different to those of her brother and son. And he only stood there, a little sad and so very guilty and she’d wondered why he was so determined to get through to her. 

Only Mother Goddess and Force above, he was _proud_ of her, _proud proud proud_ \- "I don't _want_ your love!" she'd screamed some years before, words ripping from her throat and it had been the first time that she had not deigned to appear composed before him, had let her pain whip out and _cut_.)

(The cockpit was dark, this time, contrast to the bright lights above the Falcon's medical cot where she'd lain and held her newborn baby boy close to her chest - when she'd caught him, fleeting and nervous in the edge of her periphery, flitting in and out of the room and she took a deep breath and whispered Nik's name into his tiny, perfect ear, a soft "I love you" following close behind.) 

(But this time, in this dark room lit up by streaks of hyperspace outside the durasteel viewscreen, she’d cried and punched her hands palms up against his chest, curled up against the side of the wall into herself and sunk to the floor, yelled herself hoarse with all those accusations that she'd thrown up into the empty sky but never said straight to his face - because this was the first time they’d spoken, like this, just the two of them in the room with their feelings and sosomany years of hurt and _finally_ , after what seemed like (was) hours, after _why are you here_ and _you have no right_ and _I hate you_ and _I’m so tired of this_ and _tell me about Mom, please - ?_

After all of that, she’d stood there staring at him and he’d said, with that small, small smile that looked so much like Luke’s that it made her chest ache: “You named your kid after me.” 

Leia felt a strangled laugh escape her throat, felt the tears come fast and hot against her cheeks. She’d been smiling and she didn’t quite know why just then, but something in her heart had untwisted. 

“Yes,” she’d managed, voice wavering. “Yes, we did.”) 

(She’d caught his amused grin at her deliberate use of the word _we_ right before she let him, finally, _finally_ step forward and offer his arms and she lay her head against his chest, surprisingly solid for a damn _ghost_ , and he’d stroked her hair and she thought he might have been crying with her. 

When she crawled back into bed with Han, the tears were mostly, _mostly_ gone.) 

Leia inhales deeply and closes her eyes, ready to slip back into sleep and not wake up until the sun is high up in the sky because today she can, when she feels her husband’s lips press against the hollow of her throat.

She smiles and pokes his calf with her toes, flipping over onto her shoulder to face him. Han’s eyes are cracked open and his mouth tilted upwards in a sleepy grin. 

“What happened to ‘it’s too early’?” 

“Well,” he says, eyebrows raising and grin fading into a serious look, “’M already awake, aren’t I?”

Leia feels the laugh bubble up her throat and shakes her head, closing her eyes and snaking her arms around his back, pressing her face into the pillow. 

“Nuh uh. _Far_ too early.” 

“Hmmm,” hums Han, poking her back with his own foot under the covers and shifting so that he’s resting on his back again. “What time’s it, anyway?”

Leia makes a face into the pillow and reaches over blindly to scrabble at the surface of the barren bedside table for her chrono. Her fingers catch the clasp and she flops her arm back over to where they’re lying, pushing her hand in the general direction of Han’s face. He grunts when the chrono hits his nose, reaching up and tugging it from her fingers. She’s just about to slip back into peaceful oblivion when Han groans softly. 

“What?” 

“’S’not _that_ early.” 

Leia lifts her face from the pillow to raise an eyebrow at him, looking at the way his eyes are closed determinedly, as though by not looking at the chrono he can make its contents untrue. His hair is sticking up at the front as she’s become so used to, as it always does in the mornings, and she can see the roughness of his chin where he’s not had the time to shave. His lips are pulled back and his eyebrows creased and even after eleven years of marriage it's still kind of adorable and she wants to laugh at how _resigned_ he looks. 

(She decides to tease him, because "even after eleven years of marriage" applies to _that_ , too.) 

“If you’re _that_ eager, flyboy …” 

Han’s eye cracks open to look down at her and his lips curl upwards into a grin; Leia arches an eyebrow at him. He sighs, and she can feel his fingers toying lazily with the ends of her hair around her back. 

“Nah, it’s not that. It’s just that I remembered I promised the kids yesterday that I’d –” 

He’s cut short by the loud pattering of three sets of footsteps, sudden and excited outside the room. The door bangs open just in time to reveal the footsteps’ three pajama-clad owners, wide awake and belting into the room at full speed. 

“WE’RE GONNA GO EXPLORING TODAY!” 

Leia has a split second’s chance to brace for impact before three small bodies slam into the springy mattress of their bed, literally bouncing with enthusiasm. She can hear Han’s strangled groan where Jacen’s knees inevitably landed in his stomach, can hear Jaina’s delighted giggles and cries of, “Exploring exploring exploring!” and she opens her eyes to see a seven-year-old head of tousled caramel curls poke up from behind her bent knees, gap-toothed grin wide and _very_ awake, Anakin’s bright blue eyes as big and expressive as ever. 

“Can we see the flitters Dad?” 

“And the big ole trees with the funky branches!” 

“C’mon, Dad, wake up!” 

“We can look for old crashed ships in the jungle bits!” 

“An’ there’s this funky kinda bug I saw yesterday –” 

“You an’ Chewie are gonna be head explorers, Dad, you’re the biggest and Jasa won’t let _me_ be head explorer –” 

“Only ‘cause we’re both the same age –” 

“I’m older!” 

“Dad Dad Dad, Uncle Luke says there’s a crashed _TIE_ in the jungle, Dad, like all the way from when you an’ him blowed up the Death Star –” 

“Are not!” 

“Am too, by two minutes, tell him Mom I’m older so I should be head explorer!” 

“Wake up Dad you _promised!”_

Leia catches Han’s wide grin right before he snags Jaina around the middle with his arm and tugs her down, growling. 

“Your head explorer’s been eaten by the Jungle Monster, kid!” 

Jaina shrieks and giggles as she goes down, pinned to her father’s chest, and Jacen yells and dives to her rescue, legs tangling in the bunched up bedsheets as he goes and falling against Han’s side. Leia can feel the laughter escaping her throat as she twists so that she’s not kicked by any flying legs and grabs Nik’s skinny ankle when he tries to jump after his siblings, taking pity on the pile of flailing limbs and bodies that is her husband. 

Still in his underwear, Nik lets out a high-pitched yell and falls onto his back, bouncing on the mattress and dissolving into giggles as Leia starts tickling the soles of his feet. 

“The Jungle Monster and his handler don’t take kindly to wandering explorers!” 

“No!” comes Jaina’s dramatic gasp as she squirms against Han’s chest. “No, Jasa, go, _save_ yourself!” 

“I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU!” is expected, Jacen's penchant for the melodramatic even greater than his sisters, and he lets out the equivalent of a war cry before Leia catches the familiar, sly look that flashes in his brown eyes a moment before his small fingers slip under Han’s arm. 

Han yelps, jerking his arms upwards as Jacen tickles him, and Jaina springs free, tripping in the sheets and landing on Han’s shins. 

“C’mon Jaya, we’ve gottim now!” 

_“Attack!”_

Now wide awake, Leia grins as she tugs Nik towards herself and winds her arms around him, peppering his face with kisses and pulling him back down on top of her. “Wait! I’ve got your companion hostage! If you don’t leave my Jungle Monster alone I’ll kiss him to death!” 

“Mo- _om!_ ” squeals Anakin, giggling as his eyes and nose and cheeks are showered with his mother’s featherlight kisses, wriggling in her grasp, round apple cheeks scrunched up and dimpled. From behind him, Jaina and Jacen freeze in their offensive, giving Han a moment to breathe and snag them both around the waists, pulling them down. 

“You think you can tickle _me_ to death?” 

“It was a trap!” moans Jacen between giggles, his face buried in Han’s side, and Jaina gives up squirming after a moment to join in the laughter, pressing her face against her father’s chest. 

In Leia’s arms, Nik turns his smiling face to her, eyes wide and framed with thick lashes. She smiles at him, leaning in a bopping his nose with hers, and he giggles and gives her cheek a soft seven-year-old kiss. Leia feels her smile soften. 

“What was that for, baby?” 

“You feel different, Mommy,” he tells her, putting his arms around her neck and hugging her close, her earlier betrayal forgotten completely. 

Leia feels her hands still against his back. “Different?” 

“Lighter,” says Nik happily, “like you’re floating in the sky.” 

( _I forgive you_ , she’d thought, right before her eyes slid shut and she fell asleep in the bunk, waking up hours later to help Han land the Falcon and meet the kids and Luke at the landing pad, Jacen’s knees covered in dirt and Jaina with twigs in her hair and Anakin wearing neither socks nor shoes, running forwards to be swung up in his father’s arms.) 

Leia pulls him forward and kisses his forehead, barely twitching when his fingers accidentally yank at her long hair in the process. “Mommy’s very happy today.” 

“Are you comin’ exploring with us, Mom?” asks Jaina from under Han’s arm and two blankets, her recently-chopped nest of light brown hair as tangled and messy as ever, green eyes alight and sparkling and alive. 

“Yeah!” agrees Jacen, wriggling out of his father’s grasp so he can sit up against Han’s chest and look at her excitedly. Leia can feel the twins’ senses in the Force bubbling and dancing and freer than they’ve been in a while. “Maybe _you_ can be head explorer!” 

She smiles and takes in her family, three children browned and rosy-cheeked from their week-long stay with Uncle Luke running rampant around the Temple, Han smiling at her with that knowing look in his greenbrown eyes from under Jaina’s feet, hair in disarray and laugh-lines decorating his cheeks: _Your call, sweetheart._

The sounds of Yavin IV’s jungle clamor faintly outside their window and Leia shakes her head, poking Anakin lightly in the side with her fingers. 

“I,” she says, “am staying home and making Uncle Luke to help me unpack all of our boxes. You little monsters give your Dad an easy time, alright?” 

“Chewie’ll make sure he behaves himself,” says Anakin solemnly, and Leia laughs out loud, nearly drowning out the sound of Han’s disbelieving snort. 

“Alright, alright,” he groans over the children’s giggling, “we ain’t goin’ nowhere ‘til Nik puts on some clothes and you two get outta your pajamas.” 

“You’ve gotta put clothes on too, Daddy,” says Nik, bouncing in Leia’s lap, and Jaina says, “Dad and Nik are matching!” in an excited voice, nearly falling off the bed. 

Leia watches as the three of them parade out of the room, tripping over each other in their eagerness to get dressed and head out, Jacen’s excited gasp of, “We can show Dad our tree fort!” sounding from somewhere outside their bedroom. She’s about to turn to Han and tell him to hurry up getting dressed when he rolls over and pulls her back down against the bed, flashing a teasing grin before kissing her softly. 

“Okay,” she says, “now we _definitely_ don’t have time.” 

“We’ve gotta get locks put on these doors,” he agrees, eyes twinkling. He presses his lips against her cheek. “You’re really happy today.” 

“I know.” Smiling back. “I already said that.” 

His grin softens, and he says, “Love you,” quick and whispered into her ear before he pushes himself upwards and grabs a pair of pants from the chair at the side of the bed, slipping out of the bedroom and calling after the kids. 

“Alright, who’s dressed?” 

The children’s excited cries of “Me!” get jumbled together as Leia relaxes into the bed and inhales deeply, closing her eyes and listening to the sounds of the forest outside. 

_I forgive you_ , she thinks again, turning the words over in her head, foreign and familiar allatonce, feeling the Force hum around her with every breath she takes and there’s something different about it today, something _easy_ and _light_ and _soft_. And there’s no _forget_ to follow that _forgive_ \- not by a long shot, and that may or may not ever come - 

But she thinks, lying in their old bed in their new house on this moon that carries so many memories - that after all these years, something really has changed.


End file.
